I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i've created a new STD.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
