just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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