why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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