Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
