I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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