it was like his penis was on wheels.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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