You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
