I wish my penis had an off switch
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
