I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize