i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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