Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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