Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
