I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i will never coherently bang her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize