What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
