John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
