I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize