dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
