Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
