Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
