I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
