I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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