They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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