i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize