i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
