i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
