remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Someone came in the potted fern
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
