i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
