I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't deserve a penis
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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