i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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