Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
