I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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