allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
