an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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