No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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