oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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