i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
