One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
