Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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