then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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