I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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