I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
