Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
