Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
