Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
