Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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