I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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