i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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