He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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