It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
