I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
