I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
