After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please come you make the beer taste better
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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