I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
