it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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