I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize