you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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