Dual....:-)
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
