you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
