he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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