Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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