my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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