There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The uberlube is also flammable
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The Olympian is in my bed
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