This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
