In America we eat man semen.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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