GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
