yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
