my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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