butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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