Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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