how can u be prego again
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
