fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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