Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
