We won't sleep together?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
